The Potty Wars: Thwarted Yet Again
Sorry folks, I need to keep a record of this stuff, because I’m sure to forget it later on. My daughter Parker has a little issue — she doesn’t want to use the potty. She likes her diaper. Sad to say, she has some seemingly sensible reasons for this (from a 3 year old’s perspective, I don’t subscribe to these reasons myself!), such as the fact that, according to her, “poop keeps my bootie warm.” Okay, that’s nasty, but like I said I need to keep a record of this stuff.
Anyway, today I tried to use some arguments on Parker (she’s three next week) and as per usual, it seems, they all failed as she exploited the weaknesses in my logic through the use of shrewd counterexamples.
First, let me say that we’ve tried everything.
1. Bribes. Totally ineffective. Christie told her today that if she even SAT on the potty she would buy her a new pool (one of those plastic things). Parker refused. In any case, I told Christie that starting there, by the time she was actually going completely to the potty she’d have a new Porsche and we’d be broke.
2. Shame. I’ve compared her to every kid she knows that she cares about or looks up to, and said that they don’t wear diapers. I say “don’t you want to be just like them?” and she responds, “I want to be like Parker Panza.” Jesus, the three year old Existentialist for God’s sake, pointing out to me her desire not to make “the They” her hero. Next thing I know, I’ll find Being and Time under her pillow next to Elmo.
Today I tried the the “You Are Not a Baby” Argument. I said:
Only babies wear diapers.
Babies cry, and are very annoying.
You shouldn’t be in diapers.
The little bugger picked out the suppressed premise immediately (you are not a baby) and told me “mommy sometimes won’t let me do what I want, so I cry”. Suppressed claim: “I am too a baby” and so, by extension, she can wear diapers.
She also informed me that little girls, who she knows don’t wear diapers, don’t wear whales on their shirts (she had one on when we were talking). Thus, she’s a baby, blah blah, and she can continue to wear diapers.
Nothing works! She even gets snotty about it. She’ll look at you, and say “I want to wear my diapers!” and then scrunch up her face and say “HMMMPH!” and then look away with her arms crossed.